Dublin 2012 - Windows Live

Options ▼
- Language
- English
Help


Show your support for Dublin 2012,	Members of the Dublin Bid Committee.

Please back the bid!

The olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of	flats next to the stadium. The stadium will then be boarded up before the local athletes break in to remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY:	Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members ofthe Tallaght "Health in the Community" anti drugs campaigners, sychronised rock throwing and music by the Artane boys and the RTE Symphony Orchestra.

Men's 50km Walk -	Unfortuntely, this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the saftey of anyone walking the streets of Dublin.

Swimming -	Competitors will be thrown off a bridge on the Liffey. The firstthree survivors back will decide the medals.

The Marathon -	A safe route has yet to be decided, but competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and black bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course.

Modern Pentathlon -	Amended to include; mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joy riding and arson.

Cycling Pursuit -	As bove, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of theWelsh rugby team, who will witness the theft.

Cycling Time Trials -	Competitors will be asked to break into Trinity College bike sheds and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the "country" (anywhere outside Dublin) on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

Boxing -	Entry to boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams. Itwill take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of the black stuff while the wife is told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

Shooting -	A strong challenge is expected from locals in this event. The first target will be moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office counter clerk or a Secuircor delivery man.

Long Jump/High Jump -	These events have been amalgamated and will be referred to simply as "A Jump". Mixed teams in loose fitting clothing only.

Fencing -	Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen property aspossible in five minutes.

The Hammer -	Competitors may choose the type of hammer they wish to use ie. claw, ballplane, sledge etc. The winner will be the one that can cause the most grevious bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed.

100m Hurdles -	As above but with added obstacles ie. car bonnets, hedges, gardens containing other dogs, fences, walls etc.

100m Sprint -	Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and TV (one under each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

THE EVETS:	In previous olympic games, Ireland's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of the local Dublin athletes.

a large chip pan situated on the roof of the stadium.

OPENING CEREMONY:	The olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the city (preferably hailing from the Darndale area), wearing the traditional dress of shell suit, baseball cap and balaclava mask. It will burn for the duration of the games in

In an attempt to influence the members of the	International Olympic Committee on their choice of venue for thegames in the year 2012, we, the organisers of the Dublin bid have drawn up a schedule of events:

An Olympic Bid